How do you handle criticism?
How do you handle criticism?
Sometimes it gets really difficult to see the good within ourselves. Lord knows I have been there more times than I care to count. When life changing circumstances, negative influences, or personal insecurities begin to speak loudest in your heart, make the effort to change the conversation.
In a perfect world, fear or insecurities would have no place in our lives. However, what makes us brave is when we make a conscious decision to fight through our battles despite what our feelings or circumstances tell us.
Begin to tell yourself those things that make you a valuable person, ask your family/friends what they most appreciate about you, and do something kind for another person. I guarantee your heart will begin to heal and you will be placed on a path that leads to your awesome destiny.
Not too long ago, I was talking with a client about helping him with his relationships and how to improve them. His story reminded me of my past struggles in relationships. I shared with him how negative self-talk was playing a powerful role in damaging my relationships. Most importantly, my relationship with myself. Because I thought of myself in a negative way, my feelings, choices, and behaviors fell in line with my thoughts. My turning point came when I woke up feeling sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I wanted better for myself because I knew I deserved better. I was finally able to accept that I was created for a beautiful purpose and was willing to do whatever necessary to take control of my destiny. Life coaching was a wonderful experience in my life. But I will always be thankful that I gave myself permission to live in the light and no longer exist in the darkness!
What do your voices say to you?
There once was an oyster
Whose story I tell,
Who found that some sand
Had got into its shell.
It was only a grain,
But it caused him great pain;
For oysters have feelings
Although they’re so plain.
Now, did he berate
The harsh workings of fate
That had brought him
To such a deplorable state?
Did he curse at the government,
Cry for election,
And claim that the sea should
Have given him protection?
No! He said to himself
As he lay on a shell,
“Since I cannot remove it,
I’ll try to improve it.”
Now the years have rolled by,
As the years always do,
And he came to his ultimate
And the small grain of sand
That had bothered him so
Was beautiful pearl
All richly aglow.
Now the tale has a moral;
For isn’t it grand
What an oyster can do
With a small grain of sand?
What couldn’t we do
If we’d only begin
With some of the things
That get under our skin.
Remember that every pearl got its start irritating an oyster. “In all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
Do you allow troubles to handle you or do you handle your troubles?
When two people come together for a relationship, they bring with them their own unique attitudes and expectations on how to have a relationship. Because we were not all raised they same way, it is important to be aware of those differences.
We all have roles that we play in any relationship. Do you feel comfortable or satisfied in the role that you play? Are you living an authentic lifestyle?
The most important role you will ever play in your life is “YOU.” There is no one else that has been or ever will be designed to play your special part. Compromise is an essential element in any relationship. However, the important lesson is to learn how to compromise without losing your authentic self.
We all need to be open to change, but we must also employ courage and honesty to let others know our true needs and feelings. STOP playing someone else’s role and act out your true self daily.
What role are you playing in your relationships?
To LET GO does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To LET GO is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization I can’t control another.
To LET GO is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequenses.
To LET GO is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To LET GO is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.
To LET GO is not to care for, but to care about.
To LET GO is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To LET GO is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To LET GO is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but allow others to affect their own destinies.
To LET GO is not to be protective, it’s to permit another to face reality.
To LET GO is not to deny, but to accept.
To LET GO is not to nag,scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To LET GO is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.
To LET GO is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To LET GO is to fear and love more.
Have you LET GO?
You and I are in a relationship which I value and want to keep. Yet each of us is a separate person with his/her own unique needs and the right to meet those needs.
When you are having problems meeting your needs I will try to listen with genuine acceptance in order to facilitate your finding your own solutions instead of depending on mine. I also will try to respect your right to choose your own beliefs and develop your own values, different though they may be from mine.
However, when your behavior interferes with what I must do to get my own needs met, I will openly and honestly tell you how your behavior affects me, trusting that you respect my needs and feelings enough to try to change the behavior that is unacceptable to me.
Also, whenever some behavior of mine is unacceptable to you, I hope that you will openly and honestly tell me your feelings. I will then listen and try to change my behavior.
At those times when we find that either of us cannot change his/her behavior to meet the other’s needs, let us acknowledge that we have a conflict-of-needs that requires resolving. Let us then commit ourselves to resolve each such conflict without either of us resorting to the use of power or authority to try to win at the expense of the other’s losing. I respect your needs, but I also must respect my own. So let us always strive to search for a solution that will be acceptable to both os us. Your needs will be met, but so will mine neither will lose, both will win.
In this way, you can continue to develop as a person through satisfying your needs, but so can I. Thus, ours can be a healthy relationship in which each of us can strive to become what he/she is capable of being. And we can continue to relate to one another with mutual respect, love, and peace.
Thomas Gordon, Ph.D Founder of Effectiveness Training
Is respect a key ingredient in your relationships?